If I had a billion dollars...

I love this so much - a great parody of one of my favourite songs - that I can't settle for posting just a link, I gotta put the whole thing right here. Then I changed a few words and added news links.

(with apologies to the Barenaked Ladies)

If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd build you a lake (I would build you a lake)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your lake (maybe a nice Muskoka chair, or a hammock)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a steamboat (a nice reliant paddley-wheel)
If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy your vo-o-o-o-o-o-ote

If I had a billion dollars
I'd build a gazebo in your town
If I had a billion dollars
I'd install solar lights, then move them around
If I had a billion dollars
Maybe we could put a 10 metre jumbotron in there
(You know, we could just take the steamboat there and hang out,
even though it's nowhere near the summit
Maybe we'll see Tony Clement! or unlicensed security!
I love unlicensed security!)

If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you rubber bullets (but not real rubber bullets, that's cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you an exotic meal (like a cattail salad, or shiitakes)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy Mackenzie King's remains (all them crazy Prime Ministerial bones)
If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy your vo-o-o-o-o-o-ote

If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the shore
If I had a billion dollars
We'd build it in Toronto cause it costs more
If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
(but we would eat Kraft dinner because we're trying to showcase Canada to the world here and Kraft Dinner is Canadian, right?)

If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a canoe (but not a real canoe, that's cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a fence (maybe concrete, or razor wire)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a sound cannon (haven't you always wanted a sound cannon?)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
If I had a billion dollars...

I'd be Steve.


Original by Jennifer Smith, a.k.a. Runesmith, who seems to be a Liberal - but I'll forgive her.